We’ve seen new countries form and others dissolve into the distant ambition of future wannabe tyrants and dictators, but there is a new soon-to-be-dominant world power and they call themselves (or they might ) Divorce-stan!.
Now stay with me reader for I am about to break the official secrets act and blow this Divorce conspiracy wide-open. While we were all sitting at home quietly watching Mama Mia on DVD it seems that a new political movement has been building and as we weren’t looking they grew to a terrifying size :30 million. A report by Divorced Dating revealed there is now thirty million divorced and the figure grows by almost a million a year.
According to Euro Stat, Europe alone now has a population of 18 million divorced with the largest number of those new cases from the United Kingdom. But while the UK has the highest number of Divorce cases, don’t start planning to emigrate just yet as it is only 10th in Europe when ranked by population. So if you really want to ensure your marriage fails you need to book your flight now to Lithuania; amazingly concrete-grey former USSR countries don’t rank very highly for marital success, or the safety record of nuclear power-plants nor do they do to well on the suicide front..Actually I think I may cancel my holiday there entirely.
Initial indications are that Divorce-istan have yet to arm themselves but may be in talks with North Korea to supply as many motorbikes, convertibles, gym membership, and plastic surgeons this newly single and upwardly mobile group now need. Governments grow fearful of an attack by Divorce-istan as they gather in force. With over a million divorces in the Netherland already and a large number in Denmark it looks likely that the Netherland will be the first to be overthrown. The total number of Divorced from the USA and Europe is already two million more than its current population so it’s already fit for purpose, throw in some soft drugs, tulips, clogs and a great red-light district and I think we have a winner.
So what language will they speak in Divorce-istan? Over 20 million will speak English being from both the UK and USA with the Dutch and Danish language being second and third most common. The only hope we have is that with the average age at Divorced now being just over 40 (following an average 11 year marriage) that they will be too tired to fight, with the battle temporarily halted to allow the combatants’ to watch this week’s desperate housewives.
A rather cynical and sarcastic : Nathan Barker